This post originally appeared on Pills to Paleo, my former website.
For me, one of the hardest things about going paleo was becoming fully aware of how awesome it made me feel.
I know what you’re thinking: Wait, how is that hard?!
It was hard because I wanted to scream my success from the rooftops, but I didn’t want to come across as one of those evangelical, I’m-gonna-tell-you-what-to-eat types of people.
It was hard because I have a friend who has severe heartburn, but he’s so dialed into conventional approaches that he’d rather take antacids than try giving up grains.
It was hard because my husband complained of an upset stomach all the time, and even though he saw how well I was doing, he’d load up the grocery cart with granola bars, chips, and cereal every time we went to the store.
So, there I was: really, really wanting to help people, but really, really not wanting to come across as that person.
It’s a struggle that a lot of paleo folks face.
It’s HARD to watch people suffer when you have information that could potentially improve (or completely alleviate) their ills.
Over the course of my journey, I’ve come to a few realizations about getting friends and family on board with Whole30 and paleo. Below are my top five tips:
1. People aren’t going to do diddly-squat until they’re ready.
This is a lesson that life teaches me time and time again, and it’s no different with paleo. There have been so many times in my life that I’ve wanted to help someone, but no matter how hard I tried, it didn’t matter.
I’ve tried to help people get off drugs. I’ve tried to help people quit drinking. I’ve tried to help people find motivation and meaning in their lives. Every single time, I’ve failed.
That has nothing to do with me, and it’s something that I’ve stopped taking personally. No one will commit to any change unless they want it from a very deep place within themselves. There is nothing wrong with trying to help, but you have to realize that unless the other person has a burning desire for change, they’re going to keep doing things the same way they always have.
One of the most important things you can do is turn the focus back to yourself. This is incredibly difficult, especially if you’re wired to help people, but it’s necessary for your sanity.
2. Lead by quiet example.
I’ve got a blog about Whole30 and paleo. I’ve got an Instagram account devoted to it. But in my day-to-day life, I don’t talk about it.
I believe that food is just as controversial as politics and religion. People have fervent opinions about food — whether it’s your uncle who stuffs his face with donuts and tells you you’re a freak for avoiding gluten, or your vegan coworker who eats tofu bowls every day, people can get super defensive about food.
However, there is a non-intrusive way to talk about Whole30 and paleo: talk about it with your actions. Don’t say anything. Just keep doing your thing, getting results, and enjoying your successes.
Eventually, people will be curious and they’ll come to you. Generally, they’re MUCH more receptive when they’re the ones asking for information. I’ve gotten several people on board with Whole30 by following this approach.
3. Offer a gentle suggestion, but nothing more.
My go-to rule is to lead by quiet example (see above). Unless I’m around other paleo people, I don’t talk about paleo unless someone asks me about it. It’s like Fight Club.
However, if I really see someone struggling, and they haven’t asked for advice, I will allow myself one comment. I’ll casually mention Whole30 and tell them why I think it could help them. But I’ll leave it at that. I won’t follow up and I’ll never mention it again, unless they come to me.
This goes back to #1, but it also goes back to my desire to not come across as an intrusive, pushy zealot.
4. Point out multiple resources.
As I mentioned earlier, my husband has always had horrible stomach problems, but he was slow to jump on the paleo train.
I’ll be honest: I did not take a “lead by quiet example” approach with my husband. I actually got really pushy with him, and I do regret that (to an extent).
I pretty much begged him to read It Starts with Food, and he did, but I could tell he wasn’t really digging it. It was a bummer for me, because it’s one of the most important books I’ve ever read.
But one day, I off-handedly mentioned something about Mark Sisson and The Primal Blueprint. He was like, “What’s primal?” And I was like, “It’s basically paleo with high-quality dairy.”
Something lit up within him. That night, he bought The Primal Blueprint and started devouring it. He’s been primal ever since, and his digestive issues are gone. For him, dairy was a really big sticking point, and I also think he connected with Mark’s voice more. (He also happens to be Irish, and Irish people tend to have a much better genetic tolerance for dairy. So, lucky him.)
Me? I’m like, “DALLAS AND MELISSA 4EVER, WHOLE30 IS MY RELIGION.” But my husband, for whatever reason, found his bro crush with Mark Sisson.
My point is, the goal is to help your loved ones find the joy of eating real food. That might look a little different for them, and that’s OK. People are going to connect with different voices and different approaches, and that’s perfectly fine. Real food is real food.
5. Maintain a paleo support network for yourself.
All of this “let people come to you” and “lead by quiet example” stuff is kind of a downer, I know. You probably came to this blog post hoping for the magic phrase to make your loved ones go paleo.
If there is a phrase, I haven’t found it yet. Sorry.
However, this doesn’t mean you have to contain your enthusiasm — you just have to find the right outlets for it! For me, Instagram has been huge. Connecting with other Whole30’ers makes me feel “normal” and gives me a sense of community. I’d also recommend the discussion boards, blogging, or joining one of the many Whole30 or paleo Facebook support groups that exist. If you’re lucky enough to have Whole30 friends in real life, do potlucks! Hang out! Talk about how awesome this stuff is!
Without a support network, you’ll likely feel isolated and sorry for yourself. Refusing bagels and candy at the office will seem like a chore, not a triumph. Explore different communities (online and off) and find one that works for you.
What do you think?
Have you used similar strategies with friends and family, or do you take a completely different approach? What has worked for you? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments!